The Toon, a Loon and a Man on the Moon
My friends, I have a dream. One day, the great nerds of the world will abandon work on pointless projects such as space exploration, and concentrate on practical ways to improve the World. Landing a man on the moon may have killed a bit of time in the Sixties, but it hasn’t led to a cure for ginger hair, or assisted man in the ongoing war against the bookies.
With no form to go on, we’ll have to let history guide us to our first bet. Birmingham City are unbeaten at the Cottage for the last 30 years, which is the only time you’ll see the words ‘Birmingham City’ and ‘30 years’ without the phrase ‘recommended minimum sentence’ in the middle. The Blues have also outplayed Fulham in the transfer market this summer, 11/5 looks real value.
You can’t get rich backing Chelsea on Sunday, but they must be the cornerstone of any accer this weekend. Wigan would need more fight than Roy Keane, more luck than Phil Neville and more bottle then Kinga in order to avoid a hammering at the hands of the Champions. Stan James are offering 10/11 about Chelsea winning by two or more goals, and that’s a definite tempter.
It’s been a strange week for Everton, they’ve signed Phil Neville, took a spanking in a Champions League qualifier and Tim Cahill has extended his contract, maybe two wrongs do make a right. Wayne Rooney is warming up nicely, it’ll be another defeat for the Toffees.
Conspiracy theory of the week:
The charge of Soccer AM’s Helen Chamberlain to the Poker Million final has been questioned by many cynical viewers. I have emailed Ladbrokes, asking if they would offer me odds that the whole tournament will prove to be an elaborate Ali G style wind-up show, provisionally entitled ‘The prank on the skank.’ At the time of writing, there has been no reply.
Stat, you’re a liberty:
The M.K. Dons have earned more Premiership points than Manchester City.
Acc of the week:
Man Utd
Birmingham
Tottenham
Arsenal
Chelsea
The five fold pays over 26/1 with Skybet
Specials of the week: (All available at Super Soccer)
“Nice chip” – Arteta to score from outside the area 16/1
“Ivan chips” – Campo to score from outside the area 25/1
“Korean chips” – Park Ji-Sung to score from outside the area 9/1
Weekend Betting:
Everton v Man Utd Saturday 13th August 12.45 Live on Premiership Plus
Everton 7/2
Draw 13/5 Sporting Odds
Man Utd 10/11 Skybet
Get on: Man Utd
Life is definitely unfair, Man U nick Wayne Rooney from Everton, so the Scousers retaliate by taking Phil Neville from Man U. Both teams lost on the opening day of last season, Everton will again.
Match Special:
Man Utd to score four or more goals 7/1 @ Super Soccer
Aston Villa v Bolton Saturday 13th August 15.00
Aston Villa 13/10
Draw 9/4 Totesport
Bolton 12/5 Stan James
Get on: Draw
It’s too close to call at Villa Park; both managers are exceptional in the transfer market, with Phillips and Borgetti being the standout signings of the summer. Obviously, Djemba-Djemba and Diouf are the exceptions that prove the rule.
Match Special:
Match to finish 2-2 14/1 @ Stan James
Fulham v Birmingham Saturday 13th August 15.00
Fulham 11/8 Super Soccer
Draw 9/4 Coral
Birmingham 11/5 Sporting Odds
Get on: Birmingham
Birmingham were involved in the shock of the summer, when they didn’t make a bid for Joey Barton. Helguson looks to be a good signing, but the Blues are overpriced at 11/5.
Match Special:
Birmingham to win 2-1 10/1 @ Ladbrokes
Man City v West Brom Saturday 13th August 15.00
Man City 5/6 Coral
Draw 12/5 Bet Direct
West Brom 9/2 Boylesports
Get on: Man City
Man City now have an abundance of talent up front, and Andy Cole. The Baggies are in for a long hard season, Home win.
Match Special:
Vassell to score a hat-trick 40/1 @ Paddy Power
Portsmouth v Tottenham Saturday 13th August 15.00
Portsmouth 9/5 Boylesports
Draw 9/4 VC Bet
Tottenham 8/5 Paddy Power
Get on: Tottenham
Although Tottenham have never scored at Fratton Park in the Premiership, the arrival of Dutch loon Edgar Davids should inspire Spurs to an easy win. Tottenham to take it, by a short Ed.
Match Special:
Davids to score the first goal 20/1 @ Skybet
Sunderland v Charlton Saturday 13th August 15.00
Sunderland 7/5 VC Bet
Draw 9/4 Skybet
Charlton 19/10
Get on: Draw
A great fixture historically, there’s an average of over 4 goals a game in the Premiership, while the 4-4 draw in the play-off final is possibly the greatest game ever played. Sporting Odds offer even money about three or more goals in the match, jump on.
Match Special:
Three or more goals in the match Evs @ Sporting Odds
West Ham v Blackburn Saturday 13th August 15.00
West Ham 6/4 Sporting Odds
Draw 9/4 Coral
Blackburn 15/8 Skybet
Get on: West Ham
Repka meets Savage and Bellamy. Get on the Hammers, get on Savage to be sent off, and Alan Wiley, get on the wrong train.
Match Special:
Robbie Savage to be sent off 50/1 @ Super Soccer
Middlesbrough v Liverpool Saturday 13th August 17.15 Live on Premiership Plus
Middlesbrough 15/8
Draw 9/4 Coral
Liverpool 6/4 Sporting Odds
Get on: Draw
The European champions were awful on the road last season, and as this match has only produced three goals in a game once this century, the smart money (mine) is on the 0-0.
Match Special:
No goalscorer in the match 8/1 @ Totesport
Arsenal v Newcastle Sunday 14th August 13.30 Live on Sky
Arsenal 4/9 Coral
Draw 10/3 UK Betting
Newcastle 15/2 Boylesports
Get on: Arsenal
The Gunners are as close to a home banker as you can find on the opening day of a new season. The Toon army appear to be in a transitional period, it could be a real shoeing.
Match Special:
Arsenal to score five or more goals 10/1 @ Super Soccer
Wigan v Chelsea Sunday 14th August 16.00 Live on Sky
Wigan 10/1 VC Bet
Draw 19/5 Sporting Odds
Chelsea 4/11
Get on: Chelsea
Chelsea broke more records than a drunken D.J. last season, expect them to muller Wigan on their first ever League meeting.
Match Special:
Chelsea to win by two or more goals 10/11 @ Stan James
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